Secondary School

You have been at your secondary school for almost a year and still enjoy it, although with a few more criticisms of individual teachers than we used to hear.

You've been learning the electric guitar and have had a couple of drum lessons. We've been to see you in a few concerts, for the Jazz Collective, Second Orchestra and Junior Choir. 

You have helped turn around the fortunes of the school chess team and have played in international tournaments in Ireland and Italy this year.

You are the B team goalkeeper, but that gets you relatively few games.

You've enjoyed the food tech lessons and made halloumi fries at home today.

We've dropped karate because you are busy, busy, busy.

Gender Questioning

My child, you are on a journey of discovery. All good journeys involve reflection and thought about the route we take and you are currently reflecting on and questioning the gender that you identify with. From today, 12th July 2022, when you were brave enough to initiate a discussion with the two people who have most strongly been associated with identifying you as "male", you will be known as non-binary.

This term reflects your feeling that you identify outside the gender binary of male or female. You are a gender expansive, gender questioning 10-year-old and I am very proud of you and proud to be your father.

The Year of the Pandemic

Somehow I managed to write about your football debut without even a nod to the six months of lockdown that preceeded it; there have been six more since (under various guises). It's obviously been something very different to how the year should have been but you seem to have managed very well. Chess has been the key focus - you've been on Chessable learning lines almost every day for a year (lifetime pro membership was a present for your performance in the Newham Grand Prix last year)

and Lichess too. StansNetChess (where I still play, which you continuously laugh about), Chess.com (for the most part) and Chesskid (apart from a few games with the little school club I run) have generally fallen by the wayside and you take part in Barnet, J4NCL and Bundesliga tournaments regularly. You beat a GM last week for the first time. There will be more. Indeed, your chess is superlative. Your beat me regularly, got to the Terafinal of the UKCC and the finals of the British Online Chess Championship and you topped your third place in the Newham GP last year by winning it this.

Football has suffered in the last six months. In the first, we went out into the courtyard and to Barnard Park and you improved your kicking and tricks. In the last six months we did less of that but things are opening up again and hopefully you can start training regularly within a couple of weeks. We spent much more time in Caledonian Park than we had ever done (partly because the goals on the football pitches at Barnard Park were made inaccessible) and that gave you the opportunity to see friends and not miss out entirely on that element of socialising that school affords. Recently you have been remotivated to play the piano, generally by the performance element and the addition of singing into the mix. It started with a recital for friends and family online in preparation for your Grade 1 exam (which hasn't happened yet)

but continued with short videos sent to your nan as she recovered from pneumonia and a blood clot. Her 80th approaches and you are learning "Wonderful Tonight" by ear so that you can sing and play it for her. You're growing up. Sometimes, including earlier this evening, I look at you and you look more mature than I am ready for. I still get to sit you on my lap and hug you but I know this won't be allowed for as much longer as I would like. You are kind and thoughtful to younger children and your mum and I were happy and impressed to hear how humble you had been in accepting the NGP congratulations in an online call we weren't party to. You have character, my boy, which is impressive before 10. You are currently reading less than ever. Your life is filled with chess and the chats and work around it and reading seems to have suffered so when you told me yesterday of a book you were enjoying at school, I bought the series in the hope of seeing you engrossed in them soon. The Narnia series aren't doing it for you even though you've tried. We still do karate but the majority of the year has been online and we've not done much more than the lessons, not trained independently for the most part. Monday was our Sensei, Adam's, birthday and we did 39 kata to mark it but were rusty on all but the first two. You are a busy boy and we've done well to keep up with as much as we have. I do feel that self-defence is an important ability you may need in the future. You're different - brilliant - and that's not always appreciated. We hope to get you into a school where you fit in well and you have been doing 11+ tests in preparation for the best part of a year. Fingers crossed, my wonderful son.

First Competitive Match

A few weeks ago, Highbury Wolves, who you've trained with in Barnard Park for a year, asked if you wanted to play for the U10 team as goalkeeper. You'd been musing leaving them to train with Bloomsbury because a few of your classmates train and play there, but this offer changed your mind. You did "umm" and "err" a bit because you feared it might take away from your chess, but we were told that we didn't have to commit to every game and so we agreed, paid our money, and today was your first match. I bought you new gloves a week or so ago and you were ready (though I was nervous and feared howlers - not because you're not good in goal (you are) but because I'm naturally inclined to worry what a setback might mean). I needn't have worried. You were a substitute and didn't play in the first half. Highbury Wolves were losing 1-0 at half time to AC Utd, who looked better, generally. You came on at half-time and didn't have to make a real save in the whole match. What you did, you did well: told defenders what to do, kept your position pretty well and passed to team mates from the couple of goal kicks. It would obviously have been a better debut if you had had to make a save and had done so well. But I was proud to see you out there beginning to take control of the area.

Kerry's death

I heard of Kerry's death a few minutes before I was supposed to start playing football on Monday 10th February. I cycled home again and you - from your bed - wanted to know why I'd returned. I just said I suddenly didn't feel like playing and hid my sadness as I kissed you goodnight again. I told you on Tuesday 11th and we cried together. Later I took you to school. I had not told you in real time about the death of my best friend Deyika three years earlier. You were younger and have always been extremely sensitive. I approached this differently and kept you informed after school of the related things I had done each day - identified her body, gone to the undertakers, gone into the house. You knew there would be a viewing and wanted to see your aunt. You were determined in a way that I believe had some element of self-challenge to it. When I saw Kerry, I don't think she looked great and I gave you the option of not seeing her. We went in with mummy and we hugged and cried. Later we spent time with the extended family for lunch. You had said you would speak at Kerry's funeral. We wrote a couple of lines and you liked a poem I suggested. "Hello, My name is Rock and I am Kerry’s nephew. I want to share some impressions of my aunty. She was a generous aunty – last time we met she gave me some money to play arcade games. She was funny too, she made jokes, tickled me and tried to make me laugh. I want to read this poem by Mary Frye because it sounds like she’s still here. It’s comforting. Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn’s rain. When you awaken in the morning’s hush, I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die. Thank you for listening!" I was so proud of your bravery and strength in deciding to speak. I had to come up and support you during the reading. Later you thanked me! That felt so grown-up. As much as how strong you were, that recognition of my support felt like an important moment. For a couple of nights after Kerry's funeral, you wanted extra love and attention. One night you asked me not to go out. Since then, you seem to have been fine. Of course, grief can affect us long after the event.

2019 - Another Year of Progress

Mummy and Daddy are so proud of another year of you. We are so happy and so proud to see your hard work pay off and mean that you achieve amazing things. We should be clear. You have achieved amazing things before but to continue to achieve them is what makes us most proud. Mummy and Daddy will always love you so much. Your hard work gives us some extra pride on top of our love and happiness. 

Some things that we are happy about are mundane.
It is great that you are doing a better job of cleaning your teeth, for instance.
This is a boring but crucial part of maturing.
It’s great to see you becoming more independent generally.
Daddy loves hearing you singing in the shower as you wash.

You have grown physically stronger.
You cycled more than 100 miles from Carlisle to Newcastle along Hadrian’s Wall, always cheerful whatever the weather, and interested - as ever - in the historical places you saw, like Carlisle Castle (which Charles Edward Stuart - The Young Pretender’ and the Jacobites attacked), Lanercost Priory, various turrets and observation towers, Walltown Crags, unwelcoming cows, Housesteads Roman Fort, Chesters Roman Fort, George Stephenson’s birthplace and of course the Angel of the North.
We cycled and cycled and you were amazing and full of vigour.
Later on in the year, we cycled to Wembley and back in a day and most of the way to Watford too on another trip.
Daddy looks forward to another cycling trip soon.

You have become a better footballer.
In goal, you have made some amazing saves, including against Daddy.
Your distribution is also much improved.
In defence, Daddy has seen you chase back at Highbury Wolves and make crucial tackles - your hard work has earned you “Man of the Match” on more than one occasion there and also recently at school.
Every boy wants that accolade, so for you to win it shows your commitment to your practice.
This has also been evident in your training sessions with Daddy and Mummy, when you spend time practising various drills that Daddy requests. Well done, our little star!

You have practised and improved your table tennis and played really well at Springhead Trust and Bounce for Daddy’s birthday party;
your enjoyment of turnball in the summer has probably contributed to you finding squash a fairly easy game to pick up.
They are all fun games and these improvements in your coordination will be beneficial for all sports and many other activities. Let’s play lots of squash in 2020.

You have continued to work hard on your karate.
You have double graded and graded and now you are a yellow belt with a white stripe.
You have constantly shown a desire to improve and it is clear that you have made your Sensei, Adam, proud.
Your practice and effort has led to you winning two medals this year at a multi-club competition.
That was a fantastic achievement that could only have occurred because of hard work.
Seeing you on the podium nearly burst our hearts.
We look forward to seeing you in your green belt next year.

This year, in 2019, you have become a better swimmer.
You have achieved significant milestones in the pool, such as 100m and 200m and earned badges but really you deserve most credit for just working hard every week to get better and better.

You finished the Capital Ring of 80 miles around London with ten-mile walks becoming a normal thing for you when many adults have never done that.
On those walks, we went to parts of London we have never been to and saw places like Brunel’s Wharncliffe Viaduct, Syon House and a multitude of London’s green spaces.
This was preparation for your desire to climb Mount Snowdon, which Daddy had promised you would do this summer after you were not able to last year.
You did the climb up PYG with energy and a great attitude.
Then you walked back down Miner’s, when many people take the train.
Having done so, you set your sights on the three peaks challenge in a year, and within 10 weeks you had also climbed England’s highest mountain, Scafell Pike.
You are strong and determined and Daddy looks forward to climbing Ben Nevis with you in 2020.

But your success this year is not only physical.
In the Lake District, before you climbed Scafell Pike, you learnt an entire poem off by heart - William Wordsworth’s “Daffodils” - and since then have learnt “If” by Rudyard Kipling, “The Tyger” by William Blake and much of a Benjamin Zephanyr poem.
Your dedication to this work and your love of these works show that you are a young man of extremely cultured taste.
Obviously you have learnt various lines of poetry during your time at school and other lines for your learning performances.
This was a different level of memorisation and one which you thrived on. 
Relatedly, your December performance as Narrator of the Xmas play was excellent - loud and clear speaking sandwiching beautiful piano playing.
Not only did Mummy and Daddy think you were great, many of your contemporaries and their parents also felt compelled to tell you and us how well you had performed.
We are not particularly concerned with what other people think.
However, if you do a fantastic job, it is inevitable that it will be recognised.

Of course there is also musical development.
You have worked on various pieces of music this year and become a better pianist.
Early in the year, at KCA Music Evening, you played beautifully and got everyone singing along to George Ezra’s “Shotgun”.
You have also practised violin more than ever, especially after some help from Tiantian, and become a very able player.
Finally, you have begun the guitar. It started slowly but your chord changing has become so much better and that is the key to playing songs in 2020. Daddy really wants to play guitar together with you and is looking forward to it so much.

You have, of course, also progressed as a chess player.
You had a fantastic introduction to competitive chess in Tony’s West London tournament in June and got 5 out of 6 points.
In the six months since then, you have competed in multiple tournaments (Golders Green, Basingstoke, Newham GP 2, Newham GP 3, West London, Camden Winter, LJCC U10 major) and even qualified for the LJCC U12 major.
Those competitions have shown us what we already know - that progress has ups and downs but is mostly upwards over time if you keep working.
You have beaten men with 40+ years’ more experience than you (including Daddy, of course) and also lots of talented kids who have had more tuition than you.
It is not possible to do so well unless you are determined to beat your opponents and you have shown such determination and skill.
Daddy has been overawed by some of the beautiful chess moves you have made and we believe that you have amazing potential as a chess player.
If you keep studying and learning, and you want to win tournaments, then you will do so.

Your academic work has continued to be excellent and your Year 3 report (last academic year) showed that you were exceeding expectations in key areas.
You spent time in a Chinese school and represented yourself, your family and your country with style.
You work hard on verbal and non-verbal reasoning puzzles and work well on maths with Mummy.
You also are doing well in French and continue to speak more and more Chinese.
You always make a great effort with your home learning and have blazed a powerpoint trail this year!
We both love that you enjoy BSL too and of course to add to this, you have mastered Scratch this year and moved on to Python, giving your parents interesting and educational lessons.

You got to know the UK better this year. In London, as well as the various Capital Ring walks, you also visited buildings like Strawberry House Hill, Hampton Court, Kensington Palace, Tower of London, Westminster Abbey and a range of places for Archimake and Open House weekend such as Heatherwick Studios, Camden Mews, Cutlers’ Hall, Butchers’ Hall, Salters’ Hall and Dulwich Picture Gallery.
You love learning about these places and remember and retell nuggets of fascinating facts.

But you went further than London.
In February half-term you went down to Devon and Cornwall.
You spent a little time in Plymouth, seeing Walter Raleigh’’s statue and climbing the lighthouse before we went to the Eden Project.
You were not keen on the shouty soldier at the assault course you did at Pendennis Castle, before we went to the National Maritime Museum (do you remember the Titanic exhibition?), Tate St Ives, ancient Iron Age sites, Land’s End, Lydford Castle and you did sifting at Geevor Tin Mine, which was part of a UNESCO World Heritage Site.
A highlight was seeing all the seals at Mullion Cove near Godrevy beach. 

In March, we went up to Sheffield to see an exhibition of art by Phlegm and used it as an opportunity to travel round the city and see various works by him and other street artists.
In May, we did a heritage train ride from Chinnor to Princes Risborough and then a 7-mile walk back again.

Later on in the year, you cycled Hadrian’s Wall, another UNESCO site and then had a summer trip during which you went UNESCO site bagging.
You added the Roman Baths at Bath, Ironbridge Gorge, Pontcysyllte Aqueduct, Saltaire and the Yorkshire Sculpture Park to the places you got to know.
You also cycled around and visited places in Oxford and went to Cambridge with Nanny, Grandad, Nainai, Yeye and Tiantian. 

We also did more in the Lake District than just climb Scafell Pike and learn “Daffodils”.
We spent time on Ullswater, and then Ullswater Way and saw Aira Force, which left you unimpressed since you had seen an enormous waterfall, Huanguoshu, this year in China.
We criss-crossed Windermere and rode a halloween-themed heritage railway.
We walked up to Surprise View before the weather got the better of us. 

It’s not just the UK, though.
You remain engaged with the world.
You are interested in facts, history, geography, science and current affairs.
You love taking part in “Quiz Planet” against Daddy’s friends and look forward to your newspaper - First News - each Friday.
You read it voraciously and share what you learn.
That interest and engagement meant that you volunteered to create a Brunei box for your school’s French project and that your work was the most unique, current and politically aware of any of those there. 

But above all else is how you deal with people.
(This is not the same as being popular - popularity is not so important even though it often feels like it is.)
Sports and maths and music are all important but friends and family - relationships - make up the world that matters to us.
Mummy and Daddy love how well you interact with other people.
You made friends in your Chinese school and participated well with other children despite a bit of a language barrier.
In London, you did a great job of working with Ella-Saoirse on “A Million Dreams” for the Music Evening and you clearly get on with lots of your classmates very well.
You were a fantastic page boy to Hanna and Bruno, who were so appreciative of your role (and you looked so handsome).
We also love how friendly you are to those around you - how you make Edwin feel special and how you include Oscar in your time with Frank.
Recently, we heard that you wrote a note to Adam when he was off school ill and this sort of thoughtfulness was gratefully received by Adam and his family and makes both your parents feel proud about the person you are and the ability you have to make a positive impact on those around you. 

Yearly update?

I hope this blog is not merely to be updated annually - I had always hoped to do more. But I have not. And I said something similar when I wrote pretty close to a year ago. This post will largely follow the format of that one.

Tomorrow we are planning to finish the Capital Ring, by walking the final 2 legs, a total of 9 miles, which we now consider eminently manageable. It's been great, we've seen so much of the city that I had never seen. I know the place far better now than I ever have. It's so green - we have got into the whole National Park City thing in this year - and we've shared photos on social media, challenging friends and family to answer "Where am I?". You enjoy and encourage this.

When we started the Capital Ring, it was ostensibly a good way to prepare you to climb Mt. Snowdon. In July 2018, we went to Snowdonia to meet John (who you came close to beating at chess) and his son, Hugh, who you got on well with. I'd told you we'd climb Snowdon but in the end Hugh did not want to and so we did not. We did other great stuff - Caernavon Castle and a boat trip to Puffin Island off Anglesey, where we saw porpoises and seals, stands out - but I felt bad and promised we'd do it this year if we prepared.

On the Parkland Walk from Finsbury Park with your friend Michael in August (a couple of weeks after returning from Wales), I noticed the Capital Ring waymarkers, looked it up later and then we agreed it would be the best prep. We've loved it, and you're on your second pair of walking shoes.

And you did Snowdon! We went in early August, a few days after you'd been a page boy at Hanna and Bruno's wedding, and chose the best day to ascend. We'd asked a few opinions and ultimately went up the PYG route (2hrs 45) and back down Miners' (2hrs 30).

We both loved it. You loved it so much that you said you wanted to climb the 3 peaks. A few weeks ago, I asked after a family reunion with some of the members of my dad's side of the family (my cousins, Suzanne, Sherran and Simone & their kids, my Australian cousin once removed, Vanessa and her partner Ashley, and your aunty Kerry) whether you wanted to go for a hot beach holiday in October half-term (Suzanne had shown some pictures of a Cyprus holiday) or to a cold wet Lake District to climb Scafell Pike. You chose this option, so that is what we will be doing in 4 weeks or so.

Your choice did not particularly surprise me. Ahead of your May half-term, you had asked me to give you some choices of things we could do. I spent an evening making a list of six or seven possibilities for the week, filling it out a little by including a return to Cornwall (loads of seals), which we'd visited in February.

Still, I thought, there weren't enough choices. So I made it up to ten by adding unlikely options. You chose one of them (that did surprise me): a 100-mile cycle ride from Carlisle (Castle) to Newcastle along Hadrian's Wall. Our English Heritage membership was well used and you cycled up and down hills and mountains on the new bike we'd bought a week or two beforehand, and we ended up at the Angel of the North before a night in Newcastle.

You are still an inspirational son. Would I have cycled Hadrian's Wall or climbed Snowdon otherwise?

You remain a loving, funny, bright, thoughtful and hard-working young man.  I remain devoted.

You have taken a great interest in the news in this last year - though you have always been interested - and you asked if you could go on the Climate Strike last week. You woke up early to make a poster/placard and your mum finished work early to take you out of school to protest.

Your musical prowess has continued to progress. Your piano teacher, Carlos, has seen a real improvement in your touch in the last week or so, as you feel the music better. We knew this before him. Something clicked in the last week and your playing of Fur Elise, Tarantella, Avalanche and Menuet has moved to another level.

You "headlined" another school music evening in March - playing Avalanche and a duet with Ella before playing a sing-along to "Shotgun" by George Ezra (we printed the lyrics and shared them with everyone there). Your biggest fan embarrassed himself a little by singing too loudly at the front.

We have also started on the guitar together. We've been working on chord changes and probably not practising quite enough. But we're getting there. You've been working on the violin and agreed to do Friday morning music ensemble, where you are looking at real musical notes, rather than colourstring books.

You still love reading. You enjoy rereading Wimpy Kid, Middle School, Dirty Bertie (recently) and plenty of others and I've read a fair few Michael Morpurgo novels with you in the last year. I have just read the first chapter of Belgariad to you, a year later than planned. You say your favourite book is "The Silver Sword" but you have other favourites.

You are still fab at maths but we are not doing as much at home. Your interest in architecture and design is still there. Surely there are not many 8 year-olds out there who know what it means that tomorrow's walk will follow Joseph Bazalgette's sewers.

History is of great interest to you, not least (a) because we let you spend significant screen time watching Horrible Histories (you have the books, too) and (b) we drag you around palaces and English Heritage sites regularly. You're knowledge of geography is also impressive. I think it started with the map in the bathroom, and learning all the capitals of the world. We play "Who knows Where" board game and recently you have begun to take over my role in the "Quiz planet" app I play with a few friends through social media. You know an impressive amount and could beat some of my opponents by yourself. You are 8.

We have invested in your interest in chess. We have been going to the free club at St Pancras (which I was instrumental in setting up through email request to CSC) for more than a year, but this summer we put you into a couple of chess camps, the second of which you were particularly enthusiastic about, and which led to an invitation to play for Barnet county junior team. This followed entries in three tournaments, which you enjoyed and did well at. You now beat me about as often as I beat you over the board, but your online slow chess does not do your ability justice.

Last month you played in the Golders Green Fide Rapid and beat 3 older men. You were disappointed with your first defeat (third game of six) but this was an amazing performance from an 8 y.o. You don't really realise that yet.

You had your first karate tournament in Portsmouth last year and enjoyed it.

I have joined you this year but we practise less outside class than previously and it shows. You are a busy boy, as this post testifies, but I do think karate or some such will be a valuable skill in your future. I hope you will continue to take pride in yourself and your martial arts ability and what that affords. We may be moving to 2 classes/week from next week so that would be a good way of ensuring a little more practice.

I used to be your main swimming partner but in the last year your mum has taken over and I have not been with you for a while (this will change when we stay up at Windermere with an indoor pool) but mummy tells me that you have become a very confident swimmer and you are in the top group at school. It's a great ability - well done, love.

You have been coding a lot in the last year, spurred on by your "Scratch" classes in the same building as your school (different entrance) and we have enjoyed playing the games that you have made. The (raspberry pi) Kano I bought you two or three years ago has not been used so much, and the desktop is your main portal to your fun. Fair enough. Scratch has been great.

Rock, my son, I love you so much. You are growing up but you are still a sweet and innocent boy. You were a fantastic page boy for Hanna and Bruno - who really appreciated your role and bought you a camera and some smart accessories for your wedding suit - and you enjoyed your role. (By the way, I loved your long hair look so much.)

You are a loving son and a wonderful young man. Every day with you is a blessing. Love and kisses.